Hand writing - a dying art.

For those of you who read my blog regularly, you will know that I have hemiparesis on my left side. In the past 10 months, I have worked really hard at building my strength back into my left side and compensating with my right side so that it is not noticeable.

In so many ways now, it is not noticeable. My gross motor skills and strength are excellent. I am possibly the best in my job (and most humble!) at manual handling skills - and by manual handling, I am referring to human beings. Some of the boys are a bit better than me, but for quite a short girl with a slightly weird walk - I am pretty good and I own those skills. I always passed driving requirements, medically speaking.

With my fine motor skills, I am still working on them. I think I am dropping things less than I did. My arm prefers to be bent and my wrist dropped. This is still true, but it is less so than it was. I am working on putting on make up. I am doing this for two reasons.
1) Fine Motor Skills: it's an excellent way to practice my fine motor skills - and just to clarify, I am naturally left handed
2) Self-Esteem. I am not saying you need make up to look and feel good, but in my case I definitely had gotten into a bit of a rut with taking care of myself and this is an exercise that is helping - slowly but surely.

I am also doing activities like straightening my hair - but I am still doing that right handed for the moment, or getting help with them. Slowly but surely.

I had my 21st birthday the other week, and I had a party. It was fun - a clash of different parts of my life, and it was rather a strange and honouring experience. For those who saw on Facebook, I ended up wearing the sparkly silver flats over the jelly shoes - it was a good compromise that my mum and I came to.

Three Best Friends 

"Other Family" - Charmaine's Family. I had done my own make up but had needed help with my hair.

And I was showered with very generous gifts! It was overwhelming and now I am writing thank you notes to everyone for their kindness and for their attendance.

Secret fact about me: I actually have beautiful hand-writing. It isn't well known. Grandmama and Mama keep looking at shock at how neat my hand-writing is. It is taking me a very, very long time to do. It is very difficult to get them to be so neat. I can only two notes before having to take a break. I find it does not only strain my left hand, but my right hand clenches as well.

But - it's such a sense of achievement for me. I can type a blog post in the space of five minutes, but these 20 or so notes will probably take me a week.

And I am going to do it! Just watch me!

Her Final Birthday

The other week, it was Auntie's birthday and it will be her last one. Short of a miracle, she will not see her next birthday.

We had an excellent day. She was quite bright that day, and there was a lot of laughter. Uncle P, her and my mum's brother, was up from Sydney and he bought the entire family fish and chips. He even bought me a different meal because he remembered I don't like fish. Auntie ate some chips.

We were all there: Mum, Dad, Brother, Cousin, Uncles, Grandmama... in the afternoon a friend of ours with an accessible van brought Grandfather out to visit too. My auntie's goddaughter (who went to school with me but was a year above me) was there too, the first time she'd been at one of our family functions - she coped wonderfully. I have seen her a couple of times since as well, and other people who I know are very important to my Auntie. These are the people I will see at her funeral.

It almost feels like a dream now.

We had champagne and I tried to drink it in the spirit of it all, but I really couldn't. Uncle C was more than happy to take care of it for me. I think he also took care of Auntie's.

We spent way too much time talking about how it's so strange that we have the cutest pets in the world. We clearly just pick well.

We all spent a lot of money on her, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

The evening was very difficult, and not all of my friends understood that. After being positive all day, I cried like a flash flood in the evening. Because we had just celebrated her last birthday, and I am so happy to say it had been excellent.

We got no respite because the next week was Mother's Day (respite came later), and it has always been a celebration for Auntie, Grandmama and my own mother. It's a team effort; raising me, Brother and Cousin. The celebration was at our house and it was a bit quieter than Auntie's birthday. She was also much, much sicker. She lay in her recliner for most of it and rested. But it was Mother's Day and we got to celebrate it together.

A Mother's Day Montage

There is a lot of lasts going on, but also some firsts. I knitted her a scarf the other day and it's the first time I have successfully completed a knitting project. I'm meeting some people for the first time (or the first time in a long time) and I can see why they are so important to my aunt.

There is sadness, there is crying. But there is this strange sense of peace. You can't spend your life being sad all the time, because it is not really living. It's a sad situation, but you cannot be sad all the time. Otherwise you will die too.

So today, Mum went to Meals on Wheels for the first time in months and she's going to see two friends for coffee. She'll go see Auntie in the afternoon. Grandmama had a fall last night so it is important that she goes to the doctor and I will take her, and I don't know when we will see Auntie. So Uncle C is taking care of her this morning. And that is okay, we can just take it a bit at a time - and dwell on life, not the death.

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