Sunday, February 9, 2014

I have a crush (I am disabled, not dead)

Today was an absolutely awesome day, it honestly was. Today, I got my geek on and went to a Red Dwarf Convention. I know, I know. I was amongst all the other people rattling off their sci-fi knowledge and I felt like a bit of an imposter...

The truth is... the only sci-fi show I even watch is Red Dwarf.

It was an expensive day, and getting photographs was expensive too. I had to choose wisely who I wanted to have my photograph taken with as it was 40 dollars a pop and I had already spent a lot to get into the convention. I am not sure I can admit how much I spent to get into the convention: I justify it with the fact that my brother has just gotten back from six months overseas and it was a good way for us to spend some time together...

I chose to have my photo taken with Hattie Hayridge. Although it is a tough call, I think she is ultimately my favourite from Red Dwarf and I was very excited to meet her. I asked her "May I please hug you?" when I first met her, then we had a chat. She admired my glasses, I in return told her how much I admired her comedic style. I was very glad that my aphasia was not so bad today.

Meeting an idol: my favourite comedian, Hattie Hayridge.
This really overshadowed everything else that happened today. The fact that I walked down the stairs independently, without a stair rail or another person - something I have not been able to do for a long time - seemed pointless. Don't get me wrong; I was thrilled, it's a massive achievement. But Hattie Hayridge comes once in a lifetime. I'm going to try the stairs again tomorrow. I was texting a friend about it all and the conversation went like this:

Friend: "I am in agony from the high heels last night"

Me: "I know, my feet hurt too. I can't even feel my left toes. But it doesn't even matter. I walked down the stairs independently and - wait for it - I JUST MET HATTIE HAYRIDGE"

Friend: "What? You don't have feeling in your left foot?"

Me: "Yeah. From the shoes. It's not important. I met Hattie Hayridge"

Friend: "You can't walk down the stairs? Go back to that part"

Me: "No I said I can. Without person or rail. But it doesn't matter, I just met Hattie Hayridge"

And then she got the idea and proceeded to ask me appropriate questions about Hattie Hayridge.
It's not that I don't appreciate that I have concerned friends, but guys, I'm normal too. Hattie Hayridge comes once in a lifetime. My left foot hurts because I wore pretty shoes last night, and my left foot is a size bigger than my right. It's not a medical issue. Guys - I met Hattie Hayridge today.

The first conclusion for why something is wrong is not always disability related. Recently, when feeling sad, it has not been all because of coming to terms with things related to disability. It has been because of something far more typical 20 year old related.

I like someone. I have a crush on someone. Fairly sure they don't/can't/won't/shouldn't/couldn't/allthenegative like me back. #unrequitedlove

I don't want to say too much on it - mostly because I'm worried they read this blog. But I'm not so disabled that I don't get crushes on people. I'm not so disabled that I don't get upset when people I like don't like me back.

I'm human.

And this Valentines day I will be enjoying being human - by eating chocolate, all by myself, and not feeling guilty about it. Some of us have companion, some of us have chocolate. Between you and me, I have no problem with my end of the deal.

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