Friday, May 23, 2014

Her Final Birthday

The other week, it was Auntie's birthday and it will be her last one. Short of a miracle, she will not see her next birthday.

We had an excellent day. She was quite bright that day, and there was a lot of laughter. Uncle P, her and my mum's brother, was up from Sydney and he bought the entire family fish and chips. He even bought me a different meal because he remembered I don't like fish. Auntie ate some chips.

We were all there: Mum, Dad, Brother, Cousin, Uncles, Grandmama... in the afternoon a friend of ours with an accessible van brought Grandfather out to visit too. My auntie's goddaughter (who went to school with me but was a year above me) was there too, the first time she'd been at one of our family functions - she coped wonderfully. I have seen her a couple of times since as well, and other people who I know are very important to my Auntie. These are the people I will see at her funeral.

It almost feels like a dream now.

We had champagne and I tried to drink it in the spirit of it all, but I really couldn't. Uncle C was more than happy to take care of it for me. I think he also took care of Auntie's.

We spent way too much time talking about how it's so strange that we have the cutest pets in the world. We clearly just pick well.

We all spent a lot of money on her, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

The evening was very difficult, and not all of my friends understood that. After being positive all day, I cried like a flash flood in the evening. Because we had just celebrated her last birthday, and I am so happy to say it had been excellent.

We got no respite because the next week was Mother's Day (respite came later), and it has always been a celebration for Auntie, Grandmama and my own mother. It's a team effort; raising me, Brother and Cousin. The celebration was at our house and it was a bit quieter than Auntie's birthday. She was also much, much sicker. She lay in her recliner for most of it and rested. But it was Mother's Day and we got to celebrate it together.

A Mother's Day Montage

There is a lot of lasts going on, but also some firsts. I knitted her a scarf the other day and it's the first time I have successfully completed a knitting project. I'm meeting some people for the first time (or the first time in a long time) and I can see why they are so important to my aunt.

There is sadness, there is crying. But there is this strange sense of peace. You can't spend your life being sad all the time, because it is not really living. It's a sad situation, but you cannot be sad all the time. Otherwise you will die too.

So today, Mum went to Meals on Wheels for the first time in months and she's going to see two friends for coffee. She'll go see Auntie in the afternoon. Grandmama had a fall last night so it is important that she goes to the doctor and I will take her, and I don't know when we will see Auntie. So Uncle C is taking care of her this morning. And that is okay, we can just take it a bit at a time - and dwell on life, not the death.

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1 comment:

  1. I'm glad that despite the overwhelming sadness you all were able celebrate life!